September

From the months of June to August I am not myself. To put it simply, I hate summer. I hate the heat- I hate the way people smell, the texture of outside furniture and the feeling of warm breeze. I hate the clothes- I hate wearing things that show skin, I hate bare legs and bare arms, I hate sandals that show feet and dresses that are see through. I absolutely loathe summer actives- barbecue food disgusts me, group games of rounders or tennis are enough to break me out in hives and god forbid somebody suggests I brave wearing any kind of swimming costume in public. 

Given my utter hate for all things summer you would think the first day of September would  be at least somewhat enjoyable for me as summer fashion disappears and I am finally able to wear my leather jackets again. But no, I've always been completely panicked by the first sign of autumn, in fact one of the reasons I've never truly enjoyed summer is because I spend the whole time panicking about having to go back to school. When I was younger I used to feel like the start of a new school year was the end of the world, another year stuck being patronised by teachers, falling behind in work and worrying about who is friends with who. For some reason I have never been able to rationalise the start of autumn, I just can't see that winter and all the things that I love are only a few short weeks away.

This year the 1st of September brings around a whole new set of anxieties, many of my friends will be going to university and I can't help feeling that I'm being left behind. That they are all sailing off on the Titanic to the new world and I'm stuck behind in early 20th century Britain cooking toast over the coal and wearing lots of grey and beige. In a slightly less dramatic way I cannot help feeling that I haven't achieved much since the 1st of September in 2012 when I first started at college- expect I'm significantly less ginger and chubby.

To calm myself down about the world ending as school begins I normally try to  practice  a few easy techniques that I have perfected over the last 17 years or so of worry. 

1. Education doesn't last forever, school will eventually end, there will come a time when you aren't patronised by adults that were often born in the same decade as you. There are plenty of people who have made something of themselves and despised school. 

In moments of panic I just try to pretend I'm Mick Jagger. Not that I am a 70 year old man in VERY tight trousers dancing at Glastonbury as a headliner. But that you can achieve what you want without wanting to go to Oxbridge, that even if people hate you- you can still be successful. That sometimes the very thing that ends up making your life worthwhile is thought to be ridiculous by many, Mick Jagger might not be the best singer in the word, but he thinks he is and that is the important thing.

  2. That sometimes the worst periods of your life are actually worth something. Being miserable is shit, but it doesn't mean that in hindsight you won't have achieved something great. 

Sylvia Plath may not be the image of joy and happiness but she does prove that sometimes having a horrible difficult time can result in great productivity. Maybe if Plath had the happiest lifestyle imaginable her poetry never would have been published, she would be just another teenage girl writing poems in her diary.

  3. Watching films or tv shows isn't always a waste of time- if the only thing that gets you through a day of school is coming home and watching Hollyoaks or The Vampire Diaries, then watch it, enjoy it and let yourself live in your head ( a place where teachers probably don't care about nail varnish or the length of your school skirt).

These three films (Ghost World, The Virgin Suicides and Blue is the Warmest Colour) have all somewhat reassured me that it is normal to loathe education and group activities with every fiber of your being. School years won't be the best years of your life but they will be the shortest, so just enjoy what you want to enjoy. 

  4. Being "cool" is just a made up concept inside our own heads, no one is really ever as cool as they seem. If you enjoy what you wear, what you do or what you say then carry on doing it because no one will ever remember you for fitting in with the crowd and wearing the same uggs (the worst shoes ever) as everyone else. 

One day I will write a whole blog post dedicated to Tavi Gevinsion, whose blog I have followed since she was 12 and thought of as a weirdo by everyone who really knew her. All the people who took the piss out of her for her fashion sense are probably kicking themselves whilst she edits one of the most relevant magazines around and has direct contact with the actual fashion world.

If this list hasn't convinced you that September isn't that bad then just take comfort in the fact that Christmas is around the corner. Soon it will be acceptable for you to eat a whole chocolate orange without judgement and watch Jeremy Kyle all day.