A Feminist in Makeup

This  blog post is going to be the first post in which I unleash the angry feminist who enjoys ripping males apart whilst they stammer over the sexist opinions, this post will undoubtedly be easy to disagree with and argumentative- you have been warned. Nothing riles me quite as much as the suggestion that a woman cannot be a "real" feminist if she chooses to invest in the makeup and fashion industry. It seems to be a common theme of the moment that the only women who have their opinions valued in society are those that appear to be "serious" women, men, or society in general seems keen to split women into two clear categories- 

• Women who wear makeup, enjoy fashion and are attractive but are brainless and incapable of holding a valid view 
• Women who are plain, unattractive and uninterested in fashion but have strong informed opinions on varying issues.

Whilst a man can easily be fashionable, attractive, intelligent and thoughtful all at the same time, women are too often made into one dimensional creatures that are expected to fit a a perfect mold of "pretty but dumb" or "clever but ugly". Too often I see girls being labelled  as "just a pretty face" without them ever even having a chance to voice their own thoughts and opinions. I don't mean to suggest that it is only men who are at fault for coming up with these ideas of women, I think often women themselves spend a lot of time trying to fit themselves into just one characteristic, often we choose to be "clever but ugly" because it is easier than having to prove ourselves otherwise. I clearly remember my Grand Mother suggesting that interviews were easier for pretty, well dressed females than those who were qualified and intelligent but didn't look right. I find it increasingly frustrating that girls are under pressure to appear attractive and polished but yet we aren't put under as much pressure to achieve academically, or to be confident in our own personalities. Going for an interview as a female is a lot more daunting because you know that your appearance does count, that no matter what your looks are what determines your value.

Another common theme I've noticed lately is the idea that if you buy makeup as a female, then you are supporting an industry that is sexist, and thus you can't be a feminist. Although the fashion and makeup industry has a lot to answer to in terms of making women feel inferior about themselves, makeup itself is not something that marginalizes women. I choose to wear makeup because I like it, I enjoy applying it, I enjoy being able to make myself look different and I enjoy aesthetically pleasing things. Just because I choose to wear makeup it doesn't mean I'm insecure, or that I think women are ugly without makeup on. I spend my money on lipsticks because I like the way they make me look, not for any other reason. Likewise, just because I enjoy buying things that are pretty colours and saying things like "I want more of a blue toned red", it doesn't mean that I have no other interests.

 Too often I think fashion and makeup are seen as these futile women's hobbies that only shallow people can enjoy, as if having a passion for lipstick is useless because it what is seen as a typical girl hobby. Not only does this not take into account the amount of men who are interested or work in the fashion and beauty industry, it also perpetuates the myth that makeup and fashion are only used to make people look pretty. Makeup and clothes can completely change the way you feel about yourself and others, they are much more powerful then they are given credit for because they can literally completely decide how you feel about someone. Why is it that we value hobbies such as reading more than fashion or makeup? I think mostly it is down to the idea that "girly" things are hardly ever serious. Women are expected to enjoy shopping or baking but we aren't expected to use these things to our advantage. Many top designers and chefs are men, somehow when a man likes a "girly" hobby they are taken as much more seriously, they are suddenly professional and important. When it comes down to it, a white silk shirt is still a white silk shirt, whether a man or a women is looking at it. Women are expected to enjoy their hobbies but not pursue them, we are not supposed to take ourselves seriously. 

I am going to stop here as I feel I have already gone off on a thousand different tangents. But on a closing note, I don't by any means think all women should wear makeup, or love fashion, I just feel that those of us that do shouldn't be dismissed as "silly little girls" who are shallow and appearance obsessed. Your appearance should only enhance your personality, you can own as many lipsticks as you want but you will only be truly happy when you accept who you are, not what people want you to be. 

World Mental Health Day

I have talked a bit about mental health issues previously on this blog with the intention that I probably wouldn't be saying much more about it, at least not the internet for everyone to see. But, I woke up this morning to see that it was World Mental Health Day and realised that by not talking about myself or mental illness again I would only be perpetuating the idea that there should be a stigma surrounding mental illness. Obviously this blog post won't be going into the juicy details of just how warped I probably am, but I can't really say everything I want to say without talking about my own issues. 

Too often with mental illnesses we are encouraged to sweep them under the carpet, we are the people that are discussed in quiet tones at family gatherings, nobody ever wanting to say the obvious or really acknowledge the problem. People believe that those with mental illnesses are exaggerating, are lazy or just need to simply get over their problems like everyone else does.   Throughout a lot of my schooling teachers were aware that my Dad had died when I was eleven years old, as such whenever I appeared to be openly upset I was allowed to "get on with it", often difficult conversations were avoided because it is easier to focus on the short term of feeling comfortable than worry about the long term effects of an un-helped mental illness. There seems to be a belief that mental illnesses can be resolved by simply deciding to think positively, that they aren't a real illness are something that  people put forward as an excuse for why they don't succeed or behave properly. In reality this is far from true, around 45% of people with an eating disorder go on to recover, that is a worse rate then cancer. Other mental illnesses can lead to suicide, self harm and destructive behaviors that are life changing and can have serious side effects for the rest of a sufferers life. A mental illness is not an imaginary illness, it is a real problem that can effect even those who seem perfectly "normal".

Too often I have been sat in college and heard people discussing those who are depressed or obviously suffering, with a complete misunderstanding of how serious it can be. I've comments such as "they are too thin now, why haven't their parents made them eat" directed at those who are too thin (regardless of whether they actually have an eating disorder). I've heard someone say that all MP's should be screened for mental illnesses so everyone in the government is sane- as if their is a black and white definition of what sanity is. I've heard people refer to people they've seen in town who are on drugs or homeless as "retards" or "crazy". So often it shocks me how little empathy is shown for the mentally ill, people are willing to raise money for cancer until the cows come home but they are not willing to open their minds to the idea that their preconceptions may not be right. I think too often people hold in their mind an idea that the mentally ill are going to be wildly bipolar, with unwashed hair and be completely incompetent and cannot see that those around them may have those very same issues. I spent the whole of last year getting up at 6am, doing vigorous exercise for two hours, then walking to and from college at a ridiculous speed to spend my lesson time obsessively working in an attempt to get the best grades. I often spent my breaks and lunchtimes revising and on returning home would exercise again for another hour or two before revising until I went to bed. I was fueled by those who were impressed with me, the people that praised me for my weight loss, teachers who told me I would walk my exams, my family who didn't understand how I could so much in a day. I wasn't the typical image of a mentally ill person with their hand down their pants in a pub, I was too successful, too perfect and too highly strung to be like those people, or at least I thought I was. 

Mental illness eat you up from the inside, they steal your health, your personality, your friends and family and everything else they can. In my strive to be successful I managed to strip myself of every talent I might have had. Yes, I may have appeared to be incredibly dedicated and successful for three months but now I am left with many physical illnesses, a poor memory and even worse concentration. Whilst you may be able to come to terms with cancer or heart disease limiting your day to day ability to cope, it is much harder to come to terms with the fact that you have destroyed your own ability to cope. A mental illness is inside you, but it isn't you, it doesn't have to destroy you or your life. Too often people avoid reaching out for help because they are worried they will be judged, once you do reach out you often have to wait months for a referral to your mental health service, more months until you get any actual treatment, often this can all come to late. It is right that mental health services should be most concerned at those who pose a threat to themselves or others, but often the long waiting times completely escalate how close a person is to snapping. I have often felt that my mental health services have driven me to do dangerous things just so I can be taken seriously. Nick Clegg has pledged that waiting times will be cut for mental health services, is this enough? It isn't enough, but it is a start and just maybe it will save peoples lives.

I am fairly fortunate in that I come from a family who are very open about mental health issues, my sister currently writes a blog documenting her journey to being a mental health nurse that you can read here. But I urge you all to try and reach out to someone who you know is struggling, it might be uncomfortable but it could be the help they need. I have left a few links that should be helpful to read or send to anyone who needs extra support and information. 

Useful Links: 

Mind- a charity which has loads of useful information and support 

Beat- A charity specifically set up to help those with eating disorders

Information on your rights and legal standing point for work etc.

Time to change- a website that provides lots of useful support links, numbers and opportunities to talk about mental health 

Sane- Another charity that has support, information and helplines 

University Stress

Winter has finally arrived, or so the weather reports have been saying on and off for the last month- although I'm told that this time it definitely is staying cold. Winter brings along many possibilities that summer can never give, I can stay inside all day and avoid the world with a reasonable excuse, I can buy more coats than anyone would ever possibly need and I can get my hot water bottle out without being mocked by those who don't feel the cold as much as me (everyone). I have already previously written a blog post gushing over why I love Christmas and why, in turn I love winter so I won't blather on anymore about that topic. Yesterday was one of those brilliant winter days where the sun is shining and there isn't a drop of rain, or a gust of wind all day but it still cold enough to need to wrap up warm. My Mother and I took the opportunity to walk Rosie our new puppy for an hour on two, resulting in me falling face first down a grassy hill and the puppy being momentarily terrified of me and what I was doing. My Mum did manage to capture this moment on camera but I have decided to keep it to myself to protect any pride I have left.

Unfortunately the last few days have been the kind of days where I'm not really fit for anything, my health issues make it difficult for me to achieve anything and over the last few days I have spent a good majority of my time sleeping. I won't start a therapy session right here and now but I do feel unsettled by a lot of uncontrollable things in my life at the moment. Currently I am having to think about the reality of applying for university this year, it is tricky to strike the balance between being realistic about your abilities and remaining positive and upbeat. In typical "me" fashion I am throwing myself into every single possible task as a way of distracting myself from what has been a fairly shit time. It is strange to look back over the last year and think how many things have changed and how much I have changed as a person, there is a sense of inevitability in my situation but it doesn't really make it any easier to deal with. 

On to lighter subjects- yesterday I decided to dress practically for the warmth, opting for a more comfortable outfit. I have always despised the idea that dressing comfortably should take priority over looking good, I used to put myself through all kinds of minor discomfort to look good. However, since being ill I have despised wearing tight things as they tend to feel like little needles digging into my hip bones and body, something which isn't very desirable. I bought the joggers pictured as I thought they would be comfortable, warm and maybe fit into the sports luxe trend, I'm not really sold on them completely but they are fine for dog walking in Somerset. I am also wearing my extremely battered and destroyed converse, these really shouldn't be worn anymore as they have holes in them, are falling apart and are no longer even vaguely white in colour but I just feel like they go with everything and I have a strange attachment to them. I am also wearing my newly purchased MAC lipstick in Russian Red, I am still cringing over spending this much on lipstick but it so beautiful. I ate three meals, had a nap, drank and went out wearing one coat of the lipstick and it didn't budge at all. I have never really appreciated high ends products, believing you are paying for the brand name over the quality a lot of the time, but this is one expensive item I think is worth the money. 

As a last note I would like to apologise to anyone who is neurotic as me for all the pictures in this post being different sizes. My brain is completely stressed out and muddled today and I just couldn't make them look how I wanted them to look. I realise the majority of people won't notice this but it does set my perfectionist side on edge!

Coat- Asos 

Shirt- Topshop 

Top- Urban Outfitters (sparkle and fade)

Joggers- Topshop 

Converse 

Lipstick- MAC Russian Red