Go Your Own Way

I haven't done a huge amount of blog posting this week, for a couple of reasons. Firstly, my Nan came to visit from Saturday to Wednesday, I haven't spent a lot of time with her in the last ten years and I really wanted to get to know her better and not just sit on my computer, it is strange how you can connect with family so easily even if you hardly know them at all. This blog acts as somewhat of a distraction for the fact that I can't do much at the moment, but if by some miracle I suddenly have a new lease of life or develop a huge circle of friends I probably won't post as much. The second reason is that my head has been a big ball of stress over the last week, I have found out I need to pay £300 to take my A Levels next year despite sitting my exams at the same time, in the same place as every else at my old college. That combined with my general stress about applying for university, worrying about getting a job and sorting out my health has taken up most of my time and brain. 

It's not that I am ungrateful for all the things I do have like a family, somewhere safe to live and (some) money. It is just that there is enough pressure on young people as it is, without having to worry about how on earth I am going to be able to teach myself my A Levels this year, or how I can work when I still need to take two or three hour naps a day. It is very frustrating to have the motivation and ambition towards work, university and achieving something in life but physically being unable to do it. I spend a lot of my time worrying that other people think I am lazy for not having a job or that other people think I'm babied and spoilt by my parents, despite the fact that I know I am not lazy just ill and never receive any money from my parents other than my inheritance which I live off ( I don't think dead parents count). I suppose I should remember the saying "What Susie says of Sally, says more about Susie than it does of Sally", if anything this year has at least taught me to not assume that other people have it easy or make quick judgments about what other people do and just hope others do the same. One of the main reasons why I have taken blogging a bit slower recently is because I go at everything at hundred miles per hour and look at everything in life like it is a job. So, lazy? No. A bit full on and over enthusiastic? Always. 

Today is the first day where I have really noticed the growth in my hair, I can now tie it up in a bun with very minimal hair pins and look worryingly similar to old pictures of my Dad. I have been growing my hair out since February, mostly because my medical condition makes the thought of someone touching my head seem like a horrific punishment. But also because I have had a pixie cut since I was thirteen, I briefly grew it out before but now I feel like I need a change, something a little more feminine and softer. I am luckily that my hair grows incredibly quickly, my aim is to get it past my shoulders by this time next year which I will easily achieve. Although my hair grows fast I do have to look after it and use the right products otherwise it grows into a giant tangle that  looks like a strange wavy mullet- attractive I know. This outfit was chosen for another day of house work, dog walking and constant worrying. I am resisting the warm weather and am happily pretending it is freezing despite the factual difference, I want it to be Christmas- therefore I will dress like it is Christmas ( a logical theory). I like the trousers but I do always feel a little bit clown like in non tailored trousers, they are also a tiny bit big for me and seem to balloon a bit comically for my liking. I would definitely recommend Fashion Union for Primark priced pieces that are of reasonably high quality and follow the trends.

Coat- Asos 

Top- Primark 

Trousers- Fashion Union (at Asos)

Shoes- Dr Martens 

Autumn Layering

It looks like the typical British autumn is finally making an appearance, it's been pouring down today in Somerset, the kind of day where you want to stay in your pajamas, drink tea and watch a film. Did I do any of these things? Of course not, my Nan has been visiting over the past few days and has bought her little shih tzu x toy poodle with her to  meet my puppy Rosie. As cute has this has been, it has also been incredibly chaotic as my puppy weighs a whole six kilos more than hers and keeps bowling her over at any opportunity. As the result of my dog chaos I have been forced out into this miserable day to walk them both, not a pleasant experience. If like me, you find yourself having to walk around in the blustery autumn weather than layering is your best way to keep as dry and warm as possible. I have compiled a short list of a few layering essentials for the what is arguably the best season.

• Shoes- I absolutely despise getting soggy feet when I am out walking in the rain, no one wants to sit in school or work with soggy feet for a whole day. I have found one of the best ways to look "put together" and stylish but stay dry is to wear shoes with a huge platform. There are loads of great platform boots out at the moment (here and here are my favourites) which are perfect for dressing up a boring outfit and adding an element of 90s grunge that is popular at the moment. Another option is to wear creepers which are excellent at keeping your feet out of puddles, I tend to buy mine from Amazon as they are so much cheaper and lighter but still give the desired creeper look. 
• Capes and Coats-  Coats are obviously an essential come Autumn/Winter and in my opinion no coats keep you as warm and dry as the parka. Most come with hoods you can put up in the rain and a furry lining to keep you warm. I have this parka from Asos, I specifically bought this as it has one of the most feminine shapes I've seen and has knitted cuffs to keep your arms nice and warm in the snow. Another great way to layer that is currently in style is the cape, I love these as they double up as a blanket if you are having to do long, cold train or bus journeys. Most high street stores are doing them this season my favourite I've seen so far are from Newlook. 
• Hats- I love wearing hats at all times of the year but in summer I always feel that likelihood of getting sweaty hat hair is increased massively by the heat. I love pairing outfits with floppy hats like this one with my outfits, it instantly gives a dressy stylish edge to an outfit without you having to put in too much effort, these hats look beautiful in camel or burgundy- typical autumn tones. If it is just too windy to wear a proper hat a beanie is great warmer alternative that can cover up any bad hair day and keep you insulated. All of the hats in this mood board are from Topshop, but Primark does great cheaper options if you are on a tighter budget. 
• Lipstick- Obviously Lipstick doesn't add a warm layer to your outfit but I feel that autumn is the perfect time of the year to wear a bold lip as they match the autumn palette of navy, burgundy and camel so well. I love the vampy shades from Sleek for a mid price option but Makeup Revolution sells highly pigmented vampy shades for just a pound if you aren't sure dark colours are for you. 

So these are my favourite picks of the moment, perfect for autumn layering, what do you love most about Autumn? 

World Mental Health Day

I have talked a bit about mental health issues previously on this blog with the intention that I probably wouldn't be saying much more about it, at least not the internet for everyone to see. But, I woke up this morning to see that it was World Mental Health Day and realised that by not talking about myself or mental illness again I would only be perpetuating the idea that there should be a stigma surrounding mental illness. Obviously this blog post won't be going into the juicy details of just how warped I probably am, but I can't really say everything I want to say without talking about my own issues. 

Too often with mental illnesses we are encouraged to sweep them under the carpet, we are the people that are discussed in quiet tones at family gatherings, nobody ever wanting to say the obvious or really acknowledge the problem. People believe that those with mental illnesses are exaggerating, are lazy or just need to simply get over their problems like everyone else does.   Throughout a lot of my schooling teachers were aware that my Dad had died when I was eleven years old, as such whenever I appeared to be openly upset I was allowed to "get on with it", often difficult conversations were avoided because it is easier to focus on the short term of feeling comfortable than worry about the long term effects of an un-helped mental illness. There seems to be a belief that mental illnesses can be resolved by simply deciding to think positively, that they aren't a real illness are something that  people put forward as an excuse for why they don't succeed or behave properly. In reality this is far from true, around 45% of people with an eating disorder go on to recover, that is a worse rate then cancer. Other mental illnesses can lead to suicide, self harm and destructive behaviors that are life changing and can have serious side effects for the rest of a sufferers life. A mental illness is not an imaginary illness, it is a real problem that can effect even those who seem perfectly "normal".

Too often I have been sat in college and heard people discussing those who are depressed or obviously suffering, with a complete misunderstanding of how serious it can be. I've comments such as "they are too thin now, why haven't their parents made them eat" directed at those who are too thin (regardless of whether they actually have an eating disorder). I've heard someone say that all MP's should be screened for mental illnesses so everyone in the government is sane- as if their is a black and white definition of what sanity is. I've heard people refer to people they've seen in town who are on drugs or homeless as "retards" or "crazy". So often it shocks me how little empathy is shown for the mentally ill, people are willing to raise money for cancer until the cows come home but they are not willing to open their minds to the idea that their preconceptions may not be right. I think too often people hold in their mind an idea that the mentally ill are going to be wildly bipolar, with unwashed hair and be completely incompetent and cannot see that those around them may have those very same issues. I spent the whole of last year getting up at 6am, doing vigorous exercise for two hours, then walking to and from college at a ridiculous speed to spend my lesson time obsessively working in an attempt to get the best grades. I often spent my breaks and lunchtimes revising and on returning home would exercise again for another hour or two before revising until I went to bed. I was fueled by those who were impressed with me, the people that praised me for my weight loss, teachers who told me I would walk my exams, my family who didn't understand how I could so much in a day. I wasn't the typical image of a mentally ill person with their hand down their pants in a pub, I was too successful, too perfect and too highly strung to be like those people, or at least I thought I was. 

Mental illness eat you up from the inside, they steal your health, your personality, your friends and family and everything else they can. In my strive to be successful I managed to strip myself of every talent I might have had. Yes, I may have appeared to be incredibly dedicated and successful for three months but now I am left with many physical illnesses, a poor memory and even worse concentration. Whilst you may be able to come to terms with cancer or heart disease limiting your day to day ability to cope, it is much harder to come to terms with the fact that you have destroyed your own ability to cope. A mental illness is inside you, but it isn't you, it doesn't have to destroy you or your life. Too often people avoid reaching out for help because they are worried they will be judged, once you do reach out you often have to wait months for a referral to your mental health service, more months until you get any actual treatment, often this can all come to late. It is right that mental health services should be most concerned at those who pose a threat to themselves or others, but often the long waiting times completely escalate how close a person is to snapping. I have often felt that my mental health services have driven me to do dangerous things just so I can be taken seriously. Nick Clegg has pledged that waiting times will be cut for mental health services, is this enough? It isn't enough, but it is a start and just maybe it will save peoples lives.

I am fairly fortunate in that I come from a family who are very open about mental health issues, my sister currently writes a blog documenting her journey to being a mental health nurse that you can read here. But I urge you all to try and reach out to someone who you know is struggling, it might be uncomfortable but it could be the help they need. I have left a few links that should be helpful to read or send to anyone who needs extra support and information. 

Useful Links: 

Mind- a charity which has loads of useful information and support 

Beat- A charity specifically set up to help those with eating disorders

Information on your rights and legal standing point for work etc.

Time to change- a website that provides lots of useful support links, numbers and opportunities to talk about mental health 

Sane- Another charity that has support, information and helplines 

Not All Those Who Wonder Are Lost

 

I am cringing a bit using a massively misquoted and over used line from Lord of the Rings as a title for my blog post. Especially as I don't even like Lord of the Rings that much, but sometimes there are feelings I have  that I know others have expressed much eloquently then I ever could. I am not entirely sure what this post is going to be about as such, because I don't think I've quite come to terms with my own inability to have a direction in life. In England at least we are pressured into choosing what our entire futures will look like at sixteen, although after the recent Gove education reforms this now looks more like fourteen. It is almost impossible at fourteen to know what kind of person you will be by the time you are an adult, you can't know what is going to happen in the world, what is going to happen to you, where you will be living or what opportunities will come your way. There is so much pressure to go to university or have a job as soon you leave school, you go from being babied and spoon fed to  having the world on your shoulders as soon as you get your GCSE results. £27, 000 is a lot of money to owe when you might not be sure that you even want to go to university at all. At my college we were made to feel like university is the only real option if you want to have a happy successful life, that Oxbridge is what everyone should want and that taking anymore than a year off between A levels and University is life ruining. I don't really want to document my feelings of disappointment towards my college and their actions on this blog, but I will say that they were incredibly unwilling to be flexible with me and my illnesses. I was made to feel that if I wasn't able to be a "normal" student then I might as well not bother with my exams at all, I might as well just give up completely.

 

Something which is rarely acknowledged is that often at some stage in your life things will fall apart, you will have to change the way you live, change your plans and you aspirations. I am often saying to my Mum how different I feel I am now to how I was last year, in a relatively short time I have gone from someone who was extremely argumentative and felt the need to get involved in every discussion to someone who glazes over and no longer cares. Of course these changes are due to unusual circumstances but I have been through so many stages in the last few years and at the time I was always convinced that I would stay that way forever. For years I thought I wanted to be an artist, I couldn't stand the idea of studying in a formal setting or wearing suits and being in an office, I then did a complete 360 and decided I wanted to be a lawyer and become some kind of leader of justice. My other great life plans have included being a writer, a teacher, a journalist and a politician. So what do I want to do now? The reality is I don't have any idea what I want to now and I don't think I need to, whilst seem people are sure of their future and do exactly what they planned a lot of people don't. Both of my parents took an untraditional route into education and did a lot of different jobs before and after, that doesn't make their achievements any less valid. My point is, you don't have to follow the status quo, you don't have to spend your life doing something you hate because it earns you money or looks impressive to other people. As dark as it sounds I have accepted that no one really knows what is going to happen in their life, just because those around you appear to have everything sorted out it doesn't mean they always will.

 

 

I seem to have written quite a lot without really saying much, there is so much to say about a topic like this but my brain is in medicated "brain fog" mode and I have begun to forget what my name is, let alone being capable enough to construct a readable sentence. I think there is a lot of media hype about my generation being lazy, I don't think we are lazier than those who came before us, we just are expected to set our sights on being an over educated professional, anything less makes you less of a member of society, whether you enjoy it or not (or so the Conservatives belief). It is alright to not know what you want to do with your life, not all those who wander are lost and not all that glitters is gold.

 

 

University Stress

Winter has finally arrived, or so the weather reports have been saying on and off for the last month- although I'm told that this time it definitely is staying cold. Winter brings along many possibilities that summer can never give, I can stay inside all day and avoid the world with a reasonable excuse, I can buy more coats than anyone would ever possibly need and I can get my hot water bottle out without being mocked by those who don't feel the cold as much as me (everyone). I have already previously written a blog post gushing over why I love Christmas and why, in turn I love winter so I won't blather on anymore about that topic. Yesterday was one of those brilliant winter days where the sun is shining and there isn't a drop of rain, or a gust of wind all day but it still cold enough to need to wrap up warm. My Mother and I took the opportunity to walk Rosie our new puppy for an hour on two, resulting in me falling face first down a grassy hill and the puppy being momentarily terrified of me and what I was doing. My Mum did manage to capture this moment on camera but I have decided to keep it to myself to protect any pride I have left.

Unfortunately the last few days have been the kind of days where I'm not really fit for anything, my health issues make it difficult for me to achieve anything and over the last few days I have spent a good majority of my time sleeping. I won't start a therapy session right here and now but I do feel unsettled by a lot of uncontrollable things in my life at the moment. Currently I am having to think about the reality of applying for university this year, it is tricky to strike the balance between being realistic about your abilities and remaining positive and upbeat. In typical "me" fashion I am throwing myself into every single possible task as a way of distracting myself from what has been a fairly shit time. It is strange to look back over the last year and think how many things have changed and how much I have changed as a person, there is a sense of inevitability in my situation but it doesn't really make it any easier to deal with. 

On to lighter subjects- yesterday I decided to dress practically for the warmth, opting for a more comfortable outfit. I have always despised the idea that dressing comfortably should take priority over looking good, I used to put myself through all kinds of minor discomfort to look good. However, since being ill I have despised wearing tight things as they tend to feel like little needles digging into my hip bones and body, something which isn't very desirable. I bought the joggers pictured as I thought they would be comfortable, warm and maybe fit into the sports luxe trend, I'm not really sold on them completely but they are fine for dog walking in Somerset. I am also wearing my extremely battered and destroyed converse, these really shouldn't be worn anymore as they have holes in them, are falling apart and are no longer even vaguely white in colour but I just feel like they go with everything and I have a strange attachment to them. I am also wearing my newly purchased MAC lipstick in Russian Red, I am still cringing over spending this much on lipstick but it so beautiful. I ate three meals, had a nap, drank and went out wearing one coat of the lipstick and it didn't budge at all. I have never really appreciated high ends products, believing you are paying for the brand name over the quality a lot of the time, but this is one expensive item I think is worth the money. 

As a last note I would like to apologise to anyone who is neurotic as me for all the pictures in this post being different sizes. My brain is completely stressed out and muddled today and I just couldn't make them look how I wanted them to look. I realise the majority of people won't notice this but it does set my perfectionist side on edge!

Coat- Asos 

Shirt- Topshop 

Top- Urban Outfitters (sparkle and fade)

Joggers- Topshop 

Converse 

Lipstick- MAC Russian Red 

A Lifetime of Wardrobe Malfunctions

Rings (left to right) Topshop, Primark, Primark ( gold band), vintage, Topshop

My whole family seem to have been born with an incredible talent for having wardrobe malfunctions, we may be up there with Janet Jackson or Fergie who arguably have had some of the funniest wardrobe malfunctions ever. For instance, at my sister's graduation meal my Mother managed to drop all her white top, then she tried to wet a red napkin to wipe it away which in turn left her with a massive red stain on top of the curry stain. I always seem to somehow have a wardrobe malfunction at nearly every single formal occasion there is- there was the time I flashed my whole bum to a restaurant of Italians, or the time where my trousers ripped from crotch to feet in school, you name it and chances are its happened to me. This skirt is no exception, I asked for it from my birthday thinking it would be a a heavy quality and a little bit longer. Unfortunately missguided clothes do tend to feel the tiniest bit cheap ( which isn't that bad considering they are cheap) and I am almost 5'8' meaning this skirt is bum skimmingly short on me, every few steps I took yesterday I had to yank my skirt down to make sure it wasn't up around my waist. Not the most glamorous look. 

This outfit was mainly put together for dog walking purposes so I wanted it to look fairly nice but also be warm as my body runs at a naturally freezing temperature. This coat is from the reclaimed vintage section of Asos and came in at around £70 which does make me cringe slightly inside, hopefully I can get a good couple of years out of it as  it quite easily makes a dull outfit into something that stands out a bit more. The shirt I bought from Depop but was originally from Topshop, I love it but it is 100% silk and therefore creases every time you even move a tiny bit which can be annoying for someone who hates ironing. I really love the way the blue tones in the shirt make the skirt look more of a vivid blue as it can look a little wishy washy and cheap.

I may as well also address the elephant in the room- yes, I have dyed my hair, these photos make it look a lot more brown then it really is in real life. Overall I like it as I felt the whole bleached blonde look was very severe and my face look a lot harsher than it really is. I dyed it this colour in the hope I can grow out my natural hair, which is a "strawberry blonde" (ginger) colour as I haven't seen my natural hair since I was twelve and it has become very weak and dry from dying, bleaching and illness over the last year. Undoubtedly this colour won't last long in my hair though, I have had nearly every single hair colour there is, bright red, purple, blonde, yellow, pink, blue, black, brown and every shade in between. I am thinking in the near future I will have to a post of my many different hair shades, although it might take my a worryingly long time, there some absolute shockers that I am sure many people would like to save and look at when they need a laugh.

Headband- Amazon 

Jacket- Asos 

Shirt- Depop 

Skirt- Missguided 

Rings- see above 

Nail Varnish- Sally Hansen Gem Crush in "Cha-Ching"

Five Reasons Why I Love Christmas

This post may come as a slight surprise to anyone who has known me over the past few years because for a long time I was the Grinch of Christmas. I never particularly enjoyed Christmas because I was never religious and my Mum was quite anti Christmas for most of my childhood. It wasn't that I didn't get bought nice presents or that I had some scarring experience as a young child, I just never really saw what the fuss was about or why shops had to start playing Christmas songs in October. In the last few years I have made an effort to stop being so negative and try to enjoy what is meant to be the "most wonderful time of the year". I thought I would give a quick run down of why I suddenly after many years of ruining Christmas spirit I am now sickeningly enthusiastic about the whole thing. 

1. As cliche as it sounds I do actually enjoy giving presents, of course receiving them is nice but I really love being able to buy something I know someone will enjoy and putting effort into wrapping it nicely. I never really believed in Father Christmas as my delightful older sister told me he didn't exist when I was practically in nappies. Because of this I have always been acutely aware that all the gifts I receive have been bought by me from my parents or the rest of my family, I've known that my Mum often had to try and scrabble around for money to buy gifts she couldn't really afford. This is why now I am older I go ever so slightly over the top when it comes to buying gifts, I feel like now I am older I can finally give back something to those who sacrificed their own money to make me happy when I was younger. Receiving gifts is privilege a lot of people never have, so being able to enjoy giving presents is something that isn't possible for everyone in the world. My Mum still doesn't treat herself very often and Christmas is one of the only times of the year where I can spoil her and she cannot object or feel bad about it. ( I also have an addiction to wrapping paper, ribbons and gift bags but let's just pretend I am totally selfless for the time being).

2. Another reason I have suddenly developed into a bit of a Christmas fanatic is because I really enjoy getting to spend time with my family without anyone being stressed over their work or other problems in their lives. I won't launch into a sob story here but like most modern children my parents have been separated for as long as I can remember, my Dad died when I was eleven and I don't have very much contact with a lot of my family. This has made me really appreciate the family I do have, to this day I can't stand to properly fall out with anyone who is in my close family because there really are more important things to worry about then petty arguments. Christmas magnifies this for me because I can't help but feel pretty thankful for the family I do have, I might not have the biggest or the most straight forward family situation but they are a constant in my life that can be relied upon which is more then can be said for a lot of people. I love the feeling of togetherness that Christmas brings, I love the collective feeling of everyone being in good spirits, whether you are religious or not I hope that everyone celebrates having their family around more than just once a year.

3. Onto a shallow reason, but a reason I'm sure many of you can relate to, I absolutely love Christmas or even Winter in general because I finally have the excuse to say in the house and be warm and cosy whilst watching bad tv without worrying everyone will think I'm a social recluse. Christmas is by far the best time of the year for TV, whether you want a good miserable episode of Eastenders, a children's film or some Downton Abbey there is always something on which can entertain you. I love feeling able to relax and enjoy watching tv without something niggling away at me reminding me to revise or stop being lazy. Not to mention you get a perfect reason to stay in your ugliest PJs and sing along loudly to cheesy music whilst watching those around you drinking themselves into oblivion- sounds perfect to me. 

4. This is by far my favourite thing about Christmas, I wish I could say it was the enjoyment of donating all my gifts to orphaned children but lets be realistic it isn't. I can not get enough of gifts sets, I LOVE mini things, if something comes in miniature then I have to buy it, Christmas is the season for miniature gifts sets and it pleases me to no end. I once "stole" around fifteen pots of mini jam from a hotel in Amsterdam by shoving them into my jumper and I don't think I have ever been so proud. Now, of course not everything is miniature but Christmas also brings around the best smells and tastes of the whole year, I have a genuine candle addiction and my favourite smells are ginger, cinnamon, pine trees and cranberries- ALL of which Yankee candle make into a candle for Christmas time, it just can't be a coincidence. Of course Christmas also means I can bake freely and everyone will eat everything without thinking about their weight, I'm thinking of running a weekly festive baking recipe type thing on this blog because I cannot let my passion for silicone bake ware be untamed this year.

5. A lot of people complain that Christmas shopping from the 20th onward is hell on earth, which to some extent it definitely is- everyone has a cold, everyone is too cold outside/too hot inside and everyone is stressed because they've forgotten to buy Great Auntie something a gift. BUT I just love the last few days before Christmas when everyone is is a really positive and uplifting mood, I like how people stop to say Merry Christmas or say "Have a good Christmas" when you buy something from the shop they work in. In general I think if people kept up this cheery behavior all year around everyone might get on a bit better and stop trying to kill/fight each other. The fact that Christmas brings out the happier, kinder side in people is something which even the most Scrooge like people have to appreciate and enjoy even a little bit. 

So there we have it, those are some of the reasons why you will see me smugly humming along to Christmas songs in October this year and wearing novelty themed jumpers. Enjoying Christmas is all about keeping up a positive attitude and not letting the little things worry you. If you think this festive post is a bit early this year, then beware because I will undoubtedly

 be coming up with more festive posts as the days get chillier. 

An Outfit Without a Smile

I wanted to post an outfit today, I had been planning it last night and was excited to get started as I felt confident with my appearance in my last outfit post. This is all started to go wrong this morning when I went to put on some Topshop shorts (very odd fitting- massive on the waist but tight on the bum) and was unhappy with my appearance in them, I felt like my legs were comically bulging out each side like a cartoon elephant in tight knickers. This is quite obviously not how I really looked but it put me in a bad mood from the word go. Still I persisted and changed later on, persuading my official photographer (my Mum) to take my photos in the garden for my blog. 

  

Needless to say I wasn't happy with any of the photos- I blamed my Mum not taking the photos quickly enough, my Mum being too short and making me look like a giant, I blamed myself for being too fat and too ugly. In fact these set of photos are no different from the other outfit photos I've posted, the only difference is how I felt when I was taking them. I felt like I looked awful so therefore I looked awful, the only real issue with how I look is that I look miserable. I was trying desperately to appear aloof, smiley and laid back and I couldn't look less like those things if I tried. I think I am not the most natural blogger really, yes I love fashion but I have always despised having my photo taken- pulling silly faces instead of trying to look nice so I wouldn't have to feel sad about my appearance was my go to tactic for most of my teenage years (and the next year or so till I'm 20 I suppose). Unfortunately this creates a vicious circle because if you feel angry and irritated with yourself the chances are you won't look your best. Sometimes I feel it is more important to put a blog post up or upload photos if you aren't confident because it shows that everyone has days (or years in my case) were they feel bad about how they look, however this doesn't actually mean anyone else would be able to tell. 

I wore this skirt all the time last year for college, the elasticated waist and midi length means that it is super flattering and comfortable even if you've demolished a monster sized meal. I do sometimes feel a bit nun like in midi skirts but I love the way they look on tall person, so being a tall person I hope it gives that elegant look I'm aspiring to have. I bought the jumper from Depop and have loved wearing it, much to the disgust of those around me who for some reason don't love the garish print. For me the print brings up visions of  80s Versace, for my sister I think it brings up a migraine and disgust in my taste. I have shoved my hair into a ponytail for this outfit because I am desperately trying to grow out my short pixie cut, unfortunately my natural hair is extremely coarse and kinky (not curly, not wavy, not straight) and I have to use heat on it when it is down- I've resorted to putting it up in any effort to keep it healthy but also slightly more bearable looking. Needless to say I will be beyond happy when my hair grows out of the awkward mullet stage and into an actual bob.  

 

*No Mothers were harmed in the making of this blog post 

Jumper- Topshop (bought on Depop)

Skirt- Primark 

Jug Ears

Today's outfit is based around the Topshop " Prince of Wales" trousers which look a lot more like culottes on me as I am close to 5'9'. I bought these after seeing Jess from sunbeamsjess style them in her latest Topshop lookbook.  when these style of trousers first came in I was more than a little hesitant to wear them, I envisioned myself looking like a slightly frumpy geography teacher who is still wearing the trousers they has from their school days. Luckily I don't believe that they do give that look, although they aren't something I would wear everyday I do think they give a smart twist to a fairly simple outfit. They remind me of something straight out of the 30s or 40s, I feel like I should be sitting around elegantly smoking and flirting with my imaginary butler. 

This blog post is entitled "jug ears" as a slight reference to the dear Prince of Wales himself who does happen to be in possession of some rather recognisable ears. These trousers do make me feel a little bit like I should take up blood sports and say pardy instead of party, but they are surprisingly comfortable and incredibly easy to style. I love combining the camel colour of the hat and coat with the dark vampy lipstick as it really ties the whole look together and balances out the lighter yellow tones. I think these trousers will become a summer staple for me next year but I doubt I will get much use out of them as the ice starts to spread over England and five layers are needed to be put on before leaving the house. 

I sometimes find it a bit daunting to go out in outfits like this as I live in a small town with some small minded people who genuinely gasp at the sight of originality. Personally I don't really think my style is that "out there" or unusual but a lot of people in the countryside are happy to live in their jeans and Jack Wills, which of course is fine it just isn't for me. I have avoided putting style on this blog in fear of people I know finding it and using it as some kind of comedy material to make fun of. Honestly, I have gotten to the stage were I realise that most people are too caught up in there own lives to care about what you are wearing, and if they do care or comment then it is probably out of an insecurity they have with themselves. Hopefully this will be the first of many style related posts to come as I have always loved coming up with outfits that encapsulate a certain time period, film or theme. If you have any suggestions on posts you want to come then please comment below and I will do my best.

Hat- Asos

Cropped jumper- Topshop

Tartan Scarf- Primark 

Prince of Wales Culottes- Topshop 

Shoes- Dr Martens 

January Wishlist...

1. Instax Mini 8 Instant Camera Polaroid Type  2. Motel Spanddangle Shorts 3. Topshop Modern Tailoring Suit  4. Pandora Leather Bracelets 

I know, I know Christmas is only just over but as 2014 rolls around I find myself wanting a whole new bundle of things that I can't really afford. I am one of those people who is forever writing lists, I even write lists to remind me to write lists. This of course means I had written my Mum a Christmas list in mid November, something which I have done for the last couple of years and helps her figure out what to look for when she starts shopping, normally very last minute for my gifts. This is how I am going to justify already having a whole new list of "wants" before 2014 has even begun. Not a great excuse but I'm sticking to it.

1. Instax Mini 8 Instant Camera Polaroid Type 

I have been searching for a good Polaroid camera for years, nearly buying the gimmicky but very, very cute designs from Urban Outfitters but holding back at the last minute in fear that underneath all of the pastel they just aren't that great of a camera. But I have managed to find the God of all Polaroid cameras, not only does it actually produce Polaroids but it also comes in an array of pastel colours, if the film was a bit cheaper I would definitely snap this up in the blink of an eye! At the moment I only have my Nikon D300 and an old Canon film camera so I would really love to expand my camera collection with this little novelty.

2. Motel "Spangdangle" shorts 

There really is very few occasions in which I can really see myself being able to wear a tiny part of very sparkly hot pants, this however hasn't held me back from lusting over them for weeks and weeks. I know deep down that these would be the kind of item that I will buy, try on in my room, but back in the wardrobe and wear them about once a year. But this only makes me want them more, I love the grungy vibe these shorts give off and I can see them going perfectly with any leather jacket and Docs in the winter. 

3. Topshop Modern Tailoring Suit 

Oh Topshop. How do I love thee? Let me count the ways. It all started a few weeks ago when I was watching Sunbeamsjess and saw she had purchased a few of the suits from Topshops new Modern Tailoring section. At first I shrugged the idea of buying a suit off, after all I live in Somerset, where jeans and a nice top are considered "dressy". But, these suits have been haunting me, slowly but surely I am coming up with more and more justifications for buying one, the fit of these is beautiful and it would probably only take 30 seconds to persuade me I definitely need one. The metallic finish of this particular suit is amazing, and I love how Topshop have actually put some thought into the fit of this suit, it is much less frumpy then most co-ordinates and I can see it being perfect for party occasions, instead of a girly dress.

4. Pandora Leather Bracelets  

I rarely bite the bullet and buy myself jewelry, I have literally hundreds of rings that I stack up together but hardly any bracelets. I am also very lazy with jewelry, I hardly ever bother taking it off when showering or sleeping meaning a silver or gold finish is really a must. However I absolutely love these leather bracelets from Pandora, I never really bought into the whole troll beads trend when I was around 14, so I have never looked properly at Pandora before. I love these bracelets, not only can they be worn in the shower but they are the perfect mix between dressy and casual and can be put with most outfits to add a tougher, more quirky vibe.