Helianthus

Another long time without posting anything on this blog, I would apologise  but its likely you either don't care or are coming to learnt that I am a naturally flaky person who is incapable of keeping up regular habits. I've been like this my whole life, I am either completely obsessed by something and spend 100% time doing that thing- or I forget it exists and push it into the corner of my mind where all of the other forgotten things go. I haven't felt much like posting my outfits of late, my life has been messy and as such I've become one of those dreaded people who wears clothes because they are comfortable (the worst type of person). This includes now owning an electric blanket which is permanently wrapped around me from dawn till dusk like some kind of comfort blanket designed for a small child. 

I've also finally grown enough hair to have a sort-of haircut (by which I mean my hair looks like something a member of 70s punk band would wear, but I am trying to make it work ok?). I've come to the sad realisation that my hair will probably always be just a little bit on the crap side, firstly, I was born ginger which instantly curses me with a crap hair gene. After having a pixie cut since I was 13 it is slightly strange to have actual hair and not be faced with the "are you a lesbian?" question from every immature male although I do see myself getting bored with the whole style soon. I found the dungarees on American Apparel a few years ago and have since spent many an evening sobbing at there ridiculous price tag, however after spotting they had gone down to half price (still a ridiculous price) I HAD to buy them. I am very aware that many people will probably consider them the ugliest item of clothing to exist- that is why I enjoy them, they shouldn't exist but they do. They also fit in well to my small child in a crisis aesthetic that I've developed over the past few weeks. 

Ideally I'd like to pretend that this blog will not go neglected for so long again, but alas I cannot lie to you it probably will. Maybe by the next time you see me I will have grown a proper hair cut...

Shirt- Urban Outfitters

Boots- Dr Martens 

Dungarees- American Apparel 

Crop Top- Forever 21 

Go Your Own Way

I haven't done a huge amount of blog posting this week, for a couple of reasons. Firstly, my Nan came to visit from Saturday to Wednesday, I haven't spent a lot of time with her in the last ten years and I really wanted to get to know her better and not just sit on my computer, it is strange how you can connect with family so easily even if you hardly know them at all. This blog acts as somewhat of a distraction for the fact that I can't do much at the moment, but if by some miracle I suddenly have a new lease of life or develop a huge circle of friends I probably won't post as much. The second reason is that my head has been a big ball of stress over the last week, I have found out I need to pay £300 to take my A Levels next year despite sitting my exams at the same time, in the same place as every else at my old college. That combined with my general stress about applying for university, worrying about getting a job and sorting out my health has taken up most of my time and brain. 

It's not that I am ungrateful for all the things I do have like a family, somewhere safe to live and (some) money. It is just that there is enough pressure on young people as it is, without having to worry about how on earth I am going to be able to teach myself my A Levels this year, or how I can work when I still need to take two or three hour naps a day. It is very frustrating to have the motivation and ambition towards work, university and achieving something in life but physically being unable to do it. I spend a lot of my time worrying that other people think I am lazy for not having a job or that other people think I'm babied and spoilt by my parents, despite the fact that I know I am not lazy just ill and never receive any money from my parents other than my inheritance which I live off ( I don't think dead parents count). I suppose I should remember the saying "What Susie says of Sally, says more about Susie than it does of Sally", if anything this year has at least taught me to not assume that other people have it easy or make quick judgments about what other people do and just hope others do the same. One of the main reasons why I have taken blogging a bit slower recently is because I go at everything at hundred miles per hour and look at everything in life like it is a job. So, lazy? No. A bit full on and over enthusiastic? Always. 

Today is the first day where I have really noticed the growth in my hair, I can now tie it up in a bun with very minimal hair pins and look worryingly similar to old pictures of my Dad. I have been growing my hair out since February, mostly because my medical condition makes the thought of someone touching my head seem like a horrific punishment. But also because I have had a pixie cut since I was thirteen, I briefly grew it out before but now I feel like I need a change, something a little more feminine and softer. I am luckily that my hair grows incredibly quickly, my aim is to get it past my shoulders by this time next year which I will easily achieve. Although my hair grows fast I do have to look after it and use the right products otherwise it grows into a giant tangle that  looks like a strange wavy mullet- attractive I know. This outfit was chosen for another day of house work, dog walking and constant worrying. I am resisting the warm weather and am happily pretending it is freezing despite the factual difference, I want it to be Christmas- therefore I will dress like it is Christmas ( a logical theory). I like the trousers but I do always feel a little bit clown like in non tailored trousers, they are also a tiny bit big for me and seem to balloon a bit comically for my liking. I would definitely recommend Fashion Union for Primark priced pieces that are of reasonably high quality and follow the trends.

Coat- Asos 

Top- Primark 

Trousers- Fashion Union (at Asos)

Shoes- Dr Martens 

Autumn Layering

It looks like the typical British autumn is finally making an appearance, it's been pouring down today in Somerset, the kind of day where you want to stay in your pajamas, drink tea and watch a film. Did I do any of these things? Of course not, my Nan has been visiting over the past few days and has bought her little shih tzu x toy poodle with her to  meet my puppy Rosie. As cute has this has been, it has also been incredibly chaotic as my puppy weighs a whole six kilos more than hers and keeps bowling her over at any opportunity. As the result of my dog chaos I have been forced out into this miserable day to walk them both, not a pleasant experience. If like me, you find yourself having to walk around in the blustery autumn weather than layering is your best way to keep as dry and warm as possible. I have compiled a short list of a few layering essentials for the what is arguably the best season.

• Shoes- I absolutely despise getting soggy feet when I am out walking in the rain, no one wants to sit in school or work with soggy feet for a whole day. I have found one of the best ways to look "put together" and stylish but stay dry is to wear shoes with a huge platform. There are loads of great platform boots out at the moment (here and here are my favourites) which are perfect for dressing up a boring outfit and adding an element of 90s grunge that is popular at the moment. Another option is to wear creepers which are excellent at keeping your feet out of puddles, I tend to buy mine from Amazon as they are so much cheaper and lighter but still give the desired creeper look. 
• Capes and Coats-  Coats are obviously an essential come Autumn/Winter and in my opinion no coats keep you as warm and dry as the parka. Most come with hoods you can put up in the rain and a furry lining to keep you warm. I have this parka from Asos, I specifically bought this as it has one of the most feminine shapes I've seen and has knitted cuffs to keep your arms nice and warm in the snow. Another great way to layer that is currently in style is the cape, I love these as they double up as a blanket if you are having to do long, cold train or bus journeys. Most high street stores are doing them this season my favourite I've seen so far are from Newlook. 
• Hats- I love wearing hats at all times of the year but in summer I always feel that likelihood of getting sweaty hat hair is increased massively by the heat. I love pairing outfits with floppy hats like this one with my outfits, it instantly gives a dressy stylish edge to an outfit without you having to put in too much effort, these hats look beautiful in camel or burgundy- typical autumn tones. If it is just too windy to wear a proper hat a beanie is great warmer alternative that can cover up any bad hair day and keep you insulated. All of the hats in this mood board are from Topshop, but Primark does great cheaper options if you are on a tighter budget. 
• Lipstick- Obviously Lipstick doesn't add a warm layer to your outfit but I feel that autumn is the perfect time of the year to wear a bold lip as they match the autumn palette of navy, burgundy and camel so well. I love the vampy shades from Sleek for a mid price option but Makeup Revolution sells highly pigmented vampy shades for just a pound if you aren't sure dark colours are for you. 

So these are my favourite picks of the moment, perfect for autumn layering, what do you love most about Autumn? 

Not All Those Who Wonder Are Lost

 

I am cringing a bit using a massively misquoted and over used line from Lord of the Rings as a title for my blog post. Especially as I don't even like Lord of the Rings that much, but sometimes there are feelings I have  that I know others have expressed much eloquently then I ever could. I am not entirely sure what this post is going to be about as such, because I don't think I've quite come to terms with my own inability to have a direction in life. In England at least we are pressured into choosing what our entire futures will look like at sixteen, although after the recent Gove education reforms this now looks more like fourteen. It is almost impossible at fourteen to know what kind of person you will be by the time you are an adult, you can't know what is going to happen in the world, what is going to happen to you, where you will be living or what opportunities will come your way. There is so much pressure to go to university or have a job as soon you leave school, you go from being babied and spoon fed to  having the world on your shoulders as soon as you get your GCSE results. £27, 000 is a lot of money to owe when you might not be sure that you even want to go to university at all. At my college we were made to feel like university is the only real option if you want to have a happy successful life, that Oxbridge is what everyone should want and that taking anymore than a year off between A levels and University is life ruining. I don't really want to document my feelings of disappointment towards my college and their actions on this blog, but I will say that they were incredibly unwilling to be flexible with me and my illnesses. I was made to feel that if I wasn't able to be a "normal" student then I might as well not bother with my exams at all, I might as well just give up completely.

 

Something which is rarely acknowledged is that often at some stage in your life things will fall apart, you will have to change the way you live, change your plans and you aspirations. I am often saying to my Mum how different I feel I am now to how I was last year, in a relatively short time I have gone from someone who was extremely argumentative and felt the need to get involved in every discussion to someone who glazes over and no longer cares. Of course these changes are due to unusual circumstances but I have been through so many stages in the last few years and at the time I was always convinced that I would stay that way forever. For years I thought I wanted to be an artist, I couldn't stand the idea of studying in a formal setting or wearing suits and being in an office, I then did a complete 360 and decided I wanted to be a lawyer and become some kind of leader of justice. My other great life plans have included being a writer, a teacher, a journalist and a politician. So what do I want to do now? The reality is I don't have any idea what I want to now and I don't think I need to, whilst seem people are sure of their future and do exactly what they planned a lot of people don't. Both of my parents took an untraditional route into education and did a lot of different jobs before and after, that doesn't make their achievements any less valid. My point is, you don't have to follow the status quo, you don't have to spend your life doing something you hate because it earns you money or looks impressive to other people. As dark as it sounds I have accepted that no one really knows what is going to happen in their life, just because those around you appear to have everything sorted out it doesn't mean they always will.

 

 

I seem to have written quite a lot without really saying much, there is so much to say about a topic like this but my brain is in medicated "brain fog" mode and I have begun to forget what my name is, let alone being capable enough to construct a readable sentence. I think there is a lot of media hype about my generation being lazy, I don't think we are lazier than those who came before us, we just are expected to set our sights on being an over educated professional, anything less makes you less of a member of society, whether you enjoy it or not (or so the Conservatives belief). It is alright to not know what you want to do with your life, not all those who wander are lost and not all that glitters is gold.

 

 

Five Reasons Why I Love Christmas

This post may come as a slight surprise to anyone who has known me over the past few years because for a long time I was the Grinch of Christmas. I never particularly enjoyed Christmas because I was never religious and my Mum was quite anti Christmas for most of my childhood. It wasn't that I didn't get bought nice presents or that I had some scarring experience as a young child, I just never really saw what the fuss was about or why shops had to start playing Christmas songs in October. In the last few years I have made an effort to stop being so negative and try to enjoy what is meant to be the "most wonderful time of the year". I thought I would give a quick run down of why I suddenly after many years of ruining Christmas spirit I am now sickeningly enthusiastic about the whole thing. 

1. As cliche as it sounds I do actually enjoy giving presents, of course receiving them is nice but I really love being able to buy something I know someone will enjoy and putting effort into wrapping it nicely. I never really believed in Father Christmas as my delightful older sister told me he didn't exist when I was practically in nappies. Because of this I have always been acutely aware that all the gifts I receive have been bought by me from my parents or the rest of my family, I've known that my Mum often had to try and scrabble around for money to buy gifts she couldn't really afford. This is why now I am older I go ever so slightly over the top when it comes to buying gifts, I feel like now I am older I can finally give back something to those who sacrificed their own money to make me happy when I was younger. Receiving gifts is privilege a lot of people never have, so being able to enjoy giving presents is something that isn't possible for everyone in the world. My Mum still doesn't treat herself very often and Christmas is one of the only times of the year where I can spoil her and she cannot object or feel bad about it. ( I also have an addiction to wrapping paper, ribbons and gift bags but let's just pretend I am totally selfless for the time being).

2. Another reason I have suddenly developed into a bit of a Christmas fanatic is because I really enjoy getting to spend time with my family without anyone being stressed over their work or other problems in their lives. I won't launch into a sob story here but like most modern children my parents have been separated for as long as I can remember, my Dad died when I was eleven and I don't have very much contact with a lot of my family. This has made me really appreciate the family I do have, to this day I can't stand to properly fall out with anyone who is in my close family because there really are more important things to worry about then petty arguments. Christmas magnifies this for me because I can't help but feel pretty thankful for the family I do have, I might not have the biggest or the most straight forward family situation but they are a constant in my life that can be relied upon which is more then can be said for a lot of people. I love the feeling of togetherness that Christmas brings, I love the collective feeling of everyone being in good spirits, whether you are religious or not I hope that everyone celebrates having their family around more than just once a year.

3. Onto a shallow reason, but a reason I'm sure many of you can relate to, I absolutely love Christmas or even Winter in general because I finally have the excuse to say in the house and be warm and cosy whilst watching bad tv without worrying everyone will think I'm a social recluse. Christmas is by far the best time of the year for TV, whether you want a good miserable episode of Eastenders, a children's film or some Downton Abbey there is always something on which can entertain you. I love feeling able to relax and enjoy watching tv without something niggling away at me reminding me to revise or stop being lazy. Not to mention you get a perfect reason to stay in your ugliest PJs and sing along loudly to cheesy music whilst watching those around you drinking themselves into oblivion- sounds perfect to me. 

4. This is by far my favourite thing about Christmas, I wish I could say it was the enjoyment of donating all my gifts to orphaned children but lets be realistic it isn't. I can not get enough of gifts sets, I LOVE mini things, if something comes in miniature then I have to buy it, Christmas is the season for miniature gifts sets and it pleases me to no end. I once "stole" around fifteen pots of mini jam from a hotel in Amsterdam by shoving them into my jumper and I don't think I have ever been so proud. Now, of course not everything is miniature but Christmas also brings around the best smells and tastes of the whole year, I have a genuine candle addiction and my favourite smells are ginger, cinnamon, pine trees and cranberries- ALL of which Yankee candle make into a candle for Christmas time, it just can't be a coincidence. Of course Christmas also means I can bake freely and everyone will eat everything without thinking about their weight, I'm thinking of running a weekly festive baking recipe type thing on this blog because I cannot let my passion for silicone bake ware be untamed this year.

5. A lot of people complain that Christmas shopping from the 20th onward is hell on earth, which to some extent it definitely is- everyone has a cold, everyone is too cold outside/too hot inside and everyone is stressed because they've forgotten to buy Great Auntie something a gift. BUT I just love the last few days before Christmas when everyone is is a really positive and uplifting mood, I like how people stop to say Merry Christmas or say "Have a good Christmas" when you buy something from the shop they work in. In general I think if people kept up this cheery behavior all year around everyone might get on a bit better and stop trying to kill/fight each other. The fact that Christmas brings out the happier, kinder side in people is something which even the most Scrooge like people have to appreciate and enjoy even a little bit. 

So there we have it, those are some of the reasons why you will see me smugly humming along to Christmas songs in October this year and wearing novelty themed jumpers. Enjoying Christmas is all about keeping up a positive attitude and not letting the little things worry you. If you think this festive post is a bit early this year, then beware because I will undoubtedly

 be coming up with more festive posts as the days get chillier.